I cannot tell you how often I hear something like this, “My husband and I agreed that we would share the childcare 50-50. We had the best intentions. And then we had our kid, and the split started looking more like 20-80. Now I’m overworked and resentful all the time. What happened?“
Psychologist Darcy Lockman actually came up with an answer to this question in her new book, All the Rage. The New York Times and The Atlantic published some excerpts, which are absolutely worth reading.
Clearly, as a society we need to do better to promote equity in the parental division of labor. But we can also work towards this in our individual relationships, by setting expectations right when the kids are born as to who will do what. I’ve got lots more to say about this (stay tuned for some future posts!), but in the meantime, check out Dr. Lockman’s work. It will hopefully inspire you to think about how you can make your own relationship more equitable.